❤️ VULNERABLE CANCER UPDATE ❤️
One thing I've learned through this experience is that it's not just the physical treatment of cancer that is challenging. The emotional and mental health impacts can be just as intense. The overwhelm comes in waves. There are good days and difficult days.Sometimes the greatest medicine is simply not having to carry everything alone.
My anxiety has become so severe that I've been prescribed Valium. Last Thursday, I had two panic attacks within a 30-minute period. Today, I became activated simply by having to deal with Kaiser to schedule appointments related to side effects from radiation treatment. At this point, even seeing Kaiser's name come up on my phone can trigger anxiety.
I have a lot of support systems in place, and I am deeply grateful for them. Unfortunately, my therapist is currently on vacation. The social worker I work with through radiation oncology is out of the office, as is her colleague, because they are both attending a conference. Today, a friend I had scheduled a support call with cancelled which left me feeling even more overwhelmed.
Going to radiation every day is activating In and of itself. Daily I see people that are there for radiation and chemo who are dying. It is hard to be confronted with death staring you in the face every day of the week. Everyday spend most of the day dealing with cancer and all that it entails even when I'm at home and half the day is spent at appointments at the hospital.
Even applying for grants—which are thankfully beginning to come through—is a constant reminder that I have breast cancer and that my life currently revolves around treatment and recovery.
My radiation treatments thankfully end this Thursday, and while I am grateful to be reaching that milestone, the reality is that the side effects don't simply stop when treatment ends. Recovery can take weeks or months, and nobody can really predict exactly how each person's body will respond.
The radiation effects are cumulative. I am now experiencing pain and am icing daily and have restarted taking pain medication. The radiation burn is developing and could still turn into blistering which will worsen in the next few weeks.
Adding another layer to all of this is that my PTSD has been significantly triggered by this experience. The combination of PTSD, severe anxiety, ongoing medical appointments, financial stress, insomnia, physical pain, and uncertainty has been overwhelming. As a trauma survivor, dealing with so many unknowns been especially difficult for me.
Cancer impacts your life long after active treatment ends, and the financial effects can continue for many months. Every donation, no matter the size, genuinely helps and eases some of the stress of navigating treatment, recovery, lost income, and ongoing medical expenses. The donations are literally helping me cover the basics like putting food on the table and paying my rent. Each month I hold my breath hoping the money will be there to make my financial commitments.
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If you are unable to donate, I completely understand. Many people are struggling financially right now, and some of you have already donated so generously. If that's the case, simply sharing this post is greatly appreciated. There are many ways to help, and sharing my story with others is one of them.
An important boundary:
Please do not send me private messages about my cancer journey right now. While I deeply appreciate the care behind them, every message creates another thing that requires emotional energy and often leaves me feeling obligated to respond. My bandwidth is extremely limited these days.
Similarly, please do not send suggestions for grants, programs, resources, or financial assistance. I have already applied to virtually every grant in the country that I qualify for. In fact, I've even shared grant resources with my social worker that she wasn't aware of. I'm also getting every food assistance and support program available to me.
What helps most right now is simple love, encouragement, prayers, positive thoughts, and practical support. The comments on my post mean the world to me and I take in each one.
Thank you for continuing to walk beside me through this journey ❤️
With love from my heart to yours,
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