Exaggeration of cancer affects my mood and mental health
-----
I magnified the issue of breast cancer recurrence, trapping myself in it.
Pink Society Volunteer Sharing
Letting Go of the Burden of Recurrence from a Frightened Bird
****************************
Time flies. It's been over three years since my breast cancer diagnosis. Looking back, my life seems to have undergone a complete transformation. From the initial fear upon diagnosis to the trepidation of undergoing eight rounds of chemotherapy, thankfully the process went relatively smoothly, the side effects weren't severe, and my blood test results were within the normal range, allowing me to complete the treatment on time. After chemotherapy, I received radiotherapy. No blisters appeared on my skin, only a pulling sensation near the end of the treatment. Two weeks later, this discomfort gradually lessened, and I began doing some gentle stretching exercises to improve the tightness under my armpits and chest.
I thought that after completing the arduous treatment, I could start anew and begin a new life; however, what followed was the shackle of "recurrence." The psychological pressure was even heavier than during the treatment period. Because I am a hormone-positive breast cancer patient, I am extremely sensitive to hormones and plasticizers in food. Even the slightest mistake in what I eat triggers guilt, with the fear that the estrogen in the food will cause a relapse.
My anxiety about food has become increasingly exaggerated. From ingredients and cooking methods to the containers, I inspect everything like a quality inspector. I only buy organic ingredients, use only specific cooking oils, avoid using plastic containers, and even bring my own glassware when ordering takeout. How can such a life be easy? How can it be of quality? Every day feels like a tense "quality inspection."
The volunteer director who is working on my case knows that my fear of estrogen and plasticizers is excessive and understands my fear of relapse. We are all on the same path, and carrying this burden only increases the pressure. I eat every meal with trepidation; if I have even the slightest doubt about a certain food, I become extremely fearful. Once, during a dinner with friends, the dessert was mango pomelo sago. I only tasted a little and discovered it contained pomelo. I spent the entire evening worrying that the pomelo might reduce the effectiveness of my hormone medication. I even contacted a nurse to ask the doctor, "I ate a little mango pomelo sago, will it cause a relapse?" This shows how anxious I was, almost to the point of losing control.
Later, a volunteer invited me to a Pink Society dinner, which I immediately declined. It wasn't until I saw photos of the dinner, showing everyone enjoying themselves and looking radiant, that I mustered the courage to attend. That day, everyone chatted and laughed, discussing topics like hair growth, hair dyeing, and post-recovery diets. After lunch began, everyone happily ate and enjoyed themselves, while I hesitated to eat. The volunteers sitting next to me started chatting, and I poured out my fear of food, almost reaching a breaking point. They shared their dietary experiences from years of recovery—they had all maintained a normal pyramid diet, without deliberately abstaining from certain foods, without relapse, and without living in fear due to estrogen. They only reminded me to avoid four types of food: royal jelly, snow frog fat, angelica root, and bird's nest. As for other foods, they said if I was worried, I could eat a little to make myself happy. Isn't being happy a way to reduce the risk of relapse? After hearing this, I felt it made perfect sense. If I lived in tension and fear every day, with unstable emotions, wouldn't I be more prone to relapse? Seeing everyone eating and chatting so calmly, I finally felt a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. It turned out I had magnified the problem and trapped myself.
From that day on, although I didn't "eat and drink whatever I wanted," my condition improved significantly; at least I stopped being a "checker." After stopping being a checker, life became easier and more comfortable, my guilt decreased, and I no longer felt guilty or anxious about what I ate. I am very grateful to the volunteer sisters for their ingenious arrangements, which helped me escape the shadow of relapse, estrogen, and phthalates. Now I am also a volunteer in the Pink Society. Although I don't participate in much work, I feel it's very meaningful as long as I can contribute in any way.
Pink Group Volunteers
****************************
On the road to recovery, we've all been like frightened birds, led by fear. But please believe that life doesn't have to be bound by worry. Let go of excessive tension, give yourself more space, more breathing. A normal diet and a positive mood are more protective than any excessive vigilance. May everyone move forward with ease, living freely and with peace of mind.
You must be logged in to post a comment.