First of all, you aren’t alone. Cancer sucks. And all that comes with it. We’re used to, as a society, of issues being dealt with expeditiously; however, that’s not this. At all. I think one of my biggest issues has been not having control over anything except showing up, my overall attitude and whether or not I’d follow the plan.
It’s a great thing that they aren’t pushing you out the door. It’s better to have an amazing team on your side and taking care of you. Even with an amazing team, we still must advocate for ourselves. That’s a good thing. Everyone is human, and we’re all apt to oversights. Medical staff is often stretched thin with high acuity patients and situations. Every so often they slip up also, and they get devastated by it too.
Chemo is a marathon. Totally not a sprint. I was admitted after my first one also and aggravated by it so badly. But had I not gone to the ER when I was told to, I would’ve ended up in Septic Shock. Other issues and admissions came up after that also. I actually just made a hospital bag to keep it easier. Thank God I did because it helped take stress off.
And also, hot tip, get a dedicated 10 foot charging cord and base for your phone. Makes life in that bed so much easier. Take your own absolute toiletries and learn what they already have that you like using. I used to forget going home clothes since I’d send my admission stuff home. Remembering them was helpful so my mom wasn’t always going to my place trying to figure it out. I’m big on my own lotions and lip balms. Also, heated face masks and cold ones can be so helpful. I also have a weighted face mask that helps. Ear plugs can be helpful. It’s easy to get over stimulated with allllll the things and sounds going on while admitted. Find a way to ease the stimulation a bit.
Chemo has a cumulative effect. As time goes, the symptoms increase. Some things our bodies may become more accustomed to it, but that’s not a given. I recently finished 6 months/12 rounds of chemo. The fatigue, loss of appetite and nausea have had the largest cumulative effects for me. I’m exhausted all the time. Sometimes just because I woke up. For the longest time, I simply couldn’t drink much water. I’d throw up sometimes just from a sip of it. My tastebuds went wonky as all get out.
It’s ok to vent. You’re soooo allowed to get it out. Sometimes we do have to manage our expectations, find the silver linings, laugh at the incredulous, rage at the injustice, throw a pillow (I’m not breaking things I paid for), cry a river, get angry at food for existing to nauseate us, play head banging music, pretend we have the energy to go to one of those axe throwing places, have a drink or two with dinner (every so often it’s not going to hurt you at all, unless you’re explicitly told not to or you have existing liver issues but it may nauseated you naturally), take a thc gummy or a few puffs to be able to eat, throw out a lot of food, eat the only thing you can get down (which might be expensive, like the crab legs I could get down), etc and so on. This isn’t a journey one can fully plan for. BUT give yourself grace, mercy, kindness, love, empathy, compassion, comfort. Give yourself a break. It’s ok. Nothing to feel bad about. You are loved and valued. Remember that.
Best wishes to you!
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