I'm so sorry you're having to face this. Hearing that you have stage 4 breast cancer that has spread to your spine is an enormous amount to process, and it's completely understandable to feel terrified. Many people say that the fear of what treatment will be like is almost as overwhelming as the diagnosis itself.
One thing that really helped me during a difficult season was When Life Changes Course by Dr. Jim Marshall. I'll be honest, my first thought was "ugh, not another book," but I picked it up on Googleplay book anyway, and it ended up being a real source of comfort. One of the things that stayed with me was to focus on the next step instead of trying to live through the entire future in my mind. It also reminded me that treatment experiences are often very different from what we imagine at the beginning.
One thing I'd like to reassure you about is that having treatment for life does not necessarily mean feeling ill for life. Many people receiving chemotherapy or immunotherapy have difficult days, especially around treatment, but they also have good days where they're able to enjoy time with family, go out, travel, and do the things they love. Everyone responds differently, and your oncology team will work closely with you to manage side effects. If one treatment causes problems, there are often medications or adjustments that can make it much more manageable.
Right now, it's okay to be scared. You don't have to be brave every minute of every day. Take things one appointment at a time, ask every question that comes to mind, and lean on the people who care about you. There are many people living with stage 4 breast cancer who continue to find joy, make memories, and respond well to treatment for years.
I'll be thinking of you as you begin this next chapter. I hope your treatment is kinder to you than you're expecting and that you find strength in the days ahead.
Make sure to get the book on Googleplay book it helped me a lot during that stage.
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