Let us be honest with ourselves.
We wake up in the morning, the first thing we touch is not our partner. It is our phone.
We go to bed at night, the last thing we touch is not our partner. It is our phone.
We are in the same house, in the same room, on the same bed, but we are not together. He is on TikTok. She is on WhatsApp. He is watching football highlights. She is watching another person's relationship. Both of them are smiling at their phones, but they are not smiling at each other.
My brother, my sister, technology is a blessing, but it is slowly becoming a curse in our relationships, our marriages, and our families.
Technology was supposed to bring us closer. And in many ways, it has. You can call your mother in the village. You can video call your brother in America. You can send money in seconds. You can learn a skill on YouTube. You can start a business on your phone. You can make money on Lodpost, on Facebook, on TikTok. Technology is good.
But the same technology that connects us to the world is disconnecting us from the people sitting right next to us.
Think about it.
Ada and Chidi used to talk for hours. They used to laugh. They used to gist. They used to pray together. Now, when Ada talks, Chidi says, "Hmm, hmm," without looking up from his phone. When Chidi talks, Ada says, "Wait, let me finish this chat." They are married, but they are lonely.
Emeka and Ngozi used to go out. They used to hold hands. They used to enjoy each other's company. Now, when they go out to eat, both of them are on their phones, taking pictures for Instagram, but not talking to each other. They came to spend time together, but they are spending time with strangers online.
And it is not only couples. Parents are also losing their children to technology. A mother is cooking, the child is on a tablet. A father is trying to talk, the child is wearing earphones. The family is together, but everybody is alone.
So what is technology really doing to us?
**1. Technology is killing communication.**
Before, if you wanted to talk to someone, you had to look them in the eye. Now, we hide behind screens. We say things on WhatsApp that we cannot say face to face. We send "good morning" with an emoji, but we cannot say "good morning" with our mouth to the person beside us.
Many relationships are dying not because there is no love, but because there is no conversation. And there is no conversation because the phone has taken the place of the partner.
**2. Technology is killing trust.**
Before, cheating was hard. You had to go out, you had to meet someone. Now, cheating is in your pocket. One DM. One "Hi, you are beautiful." One secret chat. One deleted message.
Many men and women are cheating without leaving their bedroom. They are cheating with their fingers. They are flirting on Facebook, on Instagram, on TikTok, on WhatsApp. They say, "It is just chatting, it is not serious." But that chatting is breaking trust. That chatting is breaking homes.
If you are hiding your chats, deleting your messages, using two phones, putting password on everything because of your partner, my brother, my sister, you already know you are doing something wrong.
**3. Technology is creating comparison.**
Before, you only compared yourself to your neighbours. Now, you compare yourself to the whole world.
She sees another woman on Instagram with a big house, big car, perfect husband, and she starts to hate her own husband. She forgets that what she is seeing is not real life. It is edited life. It is filtered life.
He sees another man on TikTok with muscles, money, fine cars, and he starts to feel like a failure. He forgets that the man on TikTok is also struggling, but he is not showing it.
Comparison is killing contentment. Comparison is making us ungrateful. Comparison is making us want what we don't have, and hate what we have.
**4. Technology is killing our attention and our peace.**
We cannot sit for 5 minutes without checking our phone. We cannot pray for 5 minutes without checking notification. We cannot sleep without checking notification. We are addicted.
We check our phone when we are eating. We check our phone when we are driving. We check our phone when we are in church. We check our phone when our partner is talking to us. We are present in body, but absent in mind.
And because we are always online, we are always stressed. Bad news, fighting, gossip, insults, all of it is entering our mind every day. No peace. No rest.
So what should we do? Should we throw away our phones? No.
Technology is not the enemy. How we use it is the enemy.
Here is how to use technology wisely, as a man and as a woman:
**1. Set phone-free time.**
In your house, set a rule: No phone during meals. No phone during prayer. No phone for the first 30 minutes after you wake up, and the last 30 minutes before you sleep. Use that time to talk, to laugh, to hug, to pray, to connect with your partner and your children.
Your phone can wait. Your partner cannot wait forever.
**2. Don't take your phone to bed.**
Your bed is for rest and for love, not for scrolling. When you carry your phone to bed, you are telling your partner, "My phone is more important than you." Charge your phone outside your bedroom. Let your bedroom be a place of peace.
**3. Be transparent.**
If you are in a relationship, be open. Don't have secret chats. Don't delete messages to hide sin. If you cannot show your partner what you are doing on your phone, you should not be doing it.
Trust is more important than privacy for sin.
**4. Use technology to build, not to destroy.**
Use your phone to learn. Learn a skill. Start a business. Write on Lodpost. Learn about your health. Watch videos that will make you a better husband, a better wife, a better father, a better mother. Follow people who inspire you, not people who make you jealous and angry.
Your phone can be your school, your office, your bank, your church. Or it can be your distraction and your destruction. You choose.
**5. Talk to your children.**
Don't give your child a tablet to keep them quiet and then complain that they don't talk to you. Sit with them. Play with them. Teach them. Let them know that a human being is more important than a screen.
A child who grows up with a phone but without love will grow up lonely, even with many followers online.
My brother, my sister, at the end of the day, your followers will not be there when you are sick. Your likes will not hold your hand when you are crying. Your phone will not hug you. The only people who will stand by you are the people you are ignoring today because of your phone.
So put down your phone. Look at your partner. Look at your children. Look at your mother. Look at your friend. Say, "I am here. I see you. I love you."
Technology should connect us, not divide us. Let us use it to love better, not to love less.
If this spoke to you, share it to one person who is always on their phone. You might save their relationship.
Follow me for Part 2: How To Stop Phone Addiction And Reconnect With Your Family.
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