BRINGING YOUR CHILD UP IN THE RIGHT WAY

BRINGING YOUR CHILD UP IN THE RIGHT WAY 

         Table of contents:

•  Brief explanation on Child upbringing.
•  Discipline
•  the common mistake parents are making.
• The short story.
•  factors that determine a child's behavior.
•  Child's neglect
•  Child abuse
• Engage them with house chores at early stage
•  spending quality time with your children
•  Don't use cane on them always
•  Give them moral and spiritual guidelines
•  Monitor the kind of friends they keep
•  Dress them up decently.
•            Conclusion

                  PREFACE 

The rate of moral decadence in our society is becoming Alarming. Parents are no longer fulfilling their responsibilities towards their children and because of that they are now doing whatever they wish like sheep without a shepherd. Our parents are busy making money and neglecting their children which should be their priority. As much as it's essential to provide for your children, it's equally important to keep a close eye on them and bring them up in the right way.

But if you're finding it really challenging to give them the best upbringing, then this book is for you. Or maybe you don't know how to bring them up in the right way, then look no further because this book got you covered. I believe that this book will surely address your pain point and you will get the answers you need. 

BRIEF EXPLANATION ON CHILD UPBRINGING 

Upbringing is the way a child is raised, the care and teaching given to a child by parents or other people usually singular.

However, some parents are neglecting the important aspect of child upbringing and focusing on the less important things.

When a child is born, their brains are empty. So it's your responsibility and duty as their parents to inculcate moral values into them at an early stage. The reason why there are wayward children loaming on the streets is because they were not properly raised. A child with proper upbringing do not do any of the following:

Steal

Tell lies

Prove stubborn 

Play truancy in school

Disrespect the elders

Bully

Smoke

But a child without proper upbringing can do those things with so much ease.

And the foundation you lay for your kids is what will lead them through their lifetime.

                DISCIPLINE 

  What is discipline? It is the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.

The teachings you give to your child at an early stage in their lives will determine their behavior when they grow up. Therefore, discipline Is crucial when bringing up a child. 

   Proverbs 29:17 and it says " discipline your child and he/she will give you rest" but if you fail to discipline them, then the reverse will surely be the case.

   Through discipline, your child learns that some kinds of behavior are acceptable and others are not. Setting boundaries for children's behavior helps them to learn how to behave in society.

  A child that is disciplined is the pride of his/her parents.

          THE COMMON MISTAKES OF PARENTS.

    In recent times, some parents are unconsciously making a grave mistake in bringing their children up in the right way.

And the mistake is believing the myth " they will change when they grow up" 

   A child can't train him/herself. That's to say; when a child develops a bad habit and the parents don't make any effort to stop it, the habit develops and matures as they grow up.

  If you fail to correct your children's bad habits at an early stage, it will definitely become part of them as they mature into adolescence or adulthood. That's why it's important and necessary to discipline them at all times.

  If you don't correct your child's bad attitude at an early stage, doing it when he grows up will be very difficult and challenging for you. That's why we are hearing stuff like " my child is very stubborn, he doesn't listen to me". The reason why he is being stubborn is because you failed to discipline and inculcate moral values into him when he was tender. 

  If you are not correcting your child's bad habit now with hope that they will stop it when they grow up, then you are making a big mistake. And you should start now to correct it because you will face the consequences of your negligence in the near future.

  You can testify with me that adolescence life is way more complicated than childhood life. Imagine in a situation whereby you are trying to tell your fifteen year old son that swagging is abnormal and then he replies to you with " No, Mom. It's normal in fact I see most of my mates doing it" where would you start to discipline him?. 

  That's why it's important to inculcate values and discipline your child at an early stage because children are innocent and naive and they believe everything to be true without objecting. That's why the bible said " trian a child in the way that he should walk so that when he gets old, he will never depart from it" proverbs 22:6.

  The bible didn't make a mistake when he made that point. So if you are thinking that your child will stop his bad behavior when he grows up, then you are making a big mistake and you will take the responsibility of his misfortune in the future.

            THE SHORT STORY 

My mom believed this myth and today the consequences are much unbearable. When my younger siblings were still tender, they developed some bad habits which was as a result of the environment we lived in.

  But instead of reprimanding them, she ignored it hoping that they will stop when they grow up but instead they advance and mature in it as they grow up. And now she is complaining.

  Don't expect your child to stop his/her bad behavior when you as their parents did not reprimand and caution them. And my aim for writing this book is to correct that mentality.

  In the few chapters ahead, I will throw more light on the factors that determine a child's upbringing.

           PARENTS NEGLIGENCE 

  Children are like yam seedlings. For instance when a farmer plants his yam, as the yam is growing and the leaves are sprouting out. What the farmer needs to do is to bring a bamboo tree, deep it in the ground where the yam is planted and connect the leaves of the yam to the bamboo tree. And as the leaves are sprouting, they are following the direction of the bamboo tree.

  What this does is to prevent the leaves from spreading and littering on the ground thereby making it easy for the farmer to harvest his crops. That's how children are.

   They need guidance and direction always to be able to trade on the right path. Children are easily influenced, that's why you should at all times guide them.

              ABUSIVE ENVIRONMENT 

      One of the factors that affect the upbringing of children and their character is the environment they grow up in and the things they got exposed to when they were still younger.

   Some children grew up in an abusive family where in some cases they witnessed their dad beating or abusing their mom or vice versa, and when they grew up witnessing such things, it got registered in their brains and when they grew up, they tended to behave in such a manner. A child that lives in a corrupted environment will definitely become corrupt too if he's being neglected by his parents. And children are quick to learn things. 

  If the boy child witnesses his dad or neighbors beating up their wives, he would believe that it is right to beat women and if not properly guided he won't hesitate to beat up his own wife or girlfriend whenever she offends him, thereby resulting in a large number of domestic violence in the society. Even if you must have an argument, it shouldn't be in your children's presence. Your children shouldn't witness your fight or argument with your spouse. The reason is that as they are watching, they are learning and it's getting stored in their memory.

                    CHILD ABUSE 

    Child Abuse is simply the physical, sexual and psychological maltreatment or neglect of a child by a parent or caregiver.

  However, harm experienced in childhood can have significant and lasting effects and children can respond differently to what has occurred. 

  Children who are abused/maltreated are more likely to abuse others as an adult so that violence is passed down from generation to the next. It is therefore critical to break this cycle of violence, and in so doing create a positive multi generational impact.

  Cases of child abuse should be reported, that way the rate of child abuse cases in our society will be reduced and victims will be rescued. 

  There are possible ways which you can give your child the upbringing that can make him/her resourceful in the society and in the succeeding chapters, I will show you how.

       ENGAGE THEM WITH HOUSE CHORES.

  When your children are still tender, advisably from the age of Five, start engaging them with petty house chores. Like cleaning their dishes, keeping their belongings in the right place.  

  Teaching them how to take care of their belongings will give them a profound sense of responsibility as they grow up.  

   You must not do everything for them. Those petty things you know that they can handle on their own, allow them to do it.

  Doing everything for them will make them lazy and they will keep relying on you at all times even when they come of age.

   Allowing them to do some petty things at home is not hard labor, instead you're molding them into responsible children and when they are grown, they will learn to take responsibility for their actions.

  No child came into this world lazy. Rather, it's their parents that helped them to cultivate the habit of laziness by not engaging them with house chores. 

  Some parents bring in maids and would leave all house chores for her to do with their children doing nothing at all. And as a result, they become lazy.

  And this is the Case with my siblings. They have become lazy and would complain whenever they are told to do something. Though we don't have a maid, my elder sister would do everything in the house while they would play around.

  And now that they are teens, doing house chores is now a burden to them.

  Let me make one thing clear to you, you're not doing your child any good by not allowing them to do anything in the house.

  By preventing your children from doing house chores, you are unconsciously building future lazy youths. 

  Even if you must bring in a maid, try to engage your own children with house chores, so that when they finally get married, they will be a good homemaker.

    SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH THEM

  Most parents nowadays don't have time for their children anymore. They are focused on their business thereby paying less attention to their children. They would go out early in the morning and come back home late at night.

  Some would even leave their children totally to the care of their maid or nanny. They no longer care to know what their children are upto because they are busy making money and providing them with everything they want and forfeiting the most important things. 

  They don't know what their children are doing, and as such there is no healthy communication between both parties.

  As a parent you should spend quality time with your children, have time to check their assignment, class test and projects to know if they are meeting up in school. Try and visit your child's school at least four times in a term to check their performances at school.

   You have a role to play in every area of your child's life. When you keep your child in another person's care, they will become used to the person's company and they will begin to share their thoughts with them. They will only know you as their parents but there will be no special connection between you and them.

  Parents should be the first friend their children should have. Child rearing is complicated but parents need to make more efforts to raise their children well.

  DO NOT USE CANE ON THEM ALWAYS  

  Some parents believe that constant beating will stop their children from misbehaving, but that's not entirely true.

  When a child errs, spank him but don't rely on it. The reason is because the more you are spanking him the more his body get use to it, and once his body get use to it, he won't be scared of it anymore

  Instead of relying on spanking only, give them other punishments. The essence of punishing him is to make it clear to them that what they did is wrong. And this is where the problem lies.

    Some parents, especially mothers, find it difficult to beat or scold their children whenever they err, stressing that "they are still young, they will stop when they grow up". Forgetting that whatever the child learns and does is what they will grow up with. And as they are maturing in age and mind they are equally advancing in those habits. That's why in the book of proverbs 29:17 the bible says " Discipline your children and they will give you peace of mind and will make your heart glad ".

  But if you fail to discipline them they will bring you sorrows and your heart will ache as a result of it.

   Some parents are making a grave mistake by not correcting their children when they are still younger and then tag them as stubborn children when they grow up.

  The upbringing of a child starts from the day they are born. Don't wait till your child gets older before you start teaching them and guiding them on the right path. Start now and train your child in the right way.

         GIVE THEM MORAL AND SPIRITUAL GUIDELINES 

 Giving your children moral guidelines will help them to become better persons in society. Try as possible as you can to be advising them always. Teach them the word of God and also how to pray.

  A child with little or no knowledge of the word of God can easily be influenced and deceived by bad friends.

   Don't give the devil the opportunity to manipulate and get hold of them by enriching them with the word of God. The book of proverbs says "To discipline a child produces wisdom but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child". This is an indication that mothers should leave no stone unturned in discipling her child.

  As a mother, teach your children to walk in the way of God because in his ways lies the divine wisdom that we truly desire.

  Teach them the bible and take out time to be doing morning devotions. Make sure that they are participating in one way or the other. Also teach them how to pray at an early stage, so that it will be their lifestyle when they grow up.

  A child that is deeply rooted in the word of God can never be deceived and manipulated come what may. And a child that has the fear of God and obeys his commandments will always be conscious of his/her actions.

  That's why in the book of Proverbs 1:7 the bible says "The fear of God is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instructions.

  Your child is your pride and as such they should be well guided.

         KNOW THEIR FRIENDS 

  Keeping a close eye on the kind of friends your children keep is quite important because friends influence. As innocent as they are, they might befriend bad people which can be very harmful to their reputation.

For instance, if your child associates with thieves, though he might not be a thief, but because he dines and wines with them, people will automatically tag him as a thief.

  I have seen on several occasions, where innocent people are apprehended, not because they are the ones who committed the offense but because they associate with the perpetrators, people will assume they know something about it. 

  There's a popular saying " show me your friend and I will tell you who you are". What this is trying to say is that people will judge you by the kind of friends you keep. 

  As a parent, don't overlook the bad habits your child comes home with. If your child's attitude contradicts your values, ask him some questions. Through this way, you will be able to know what he's up to and whom he has been associating with. 

  People can influence either positively or negatively. So always watch out for your children so that they will not mingle with the bad ones. 

  You can invite your child's friends over to your house, get to know them and also their parents. And if you think that one of the children is a nuisance, call the attention of his/her parents so that the child will be corrected. Because they are the hope of the nation.

    DRESS THEM UP PROPERLY 

  Have you heard of this popular saying, "The way you dress is the way you will be addressed"?. That is true!

  Some parents like to clothe their female children with short and skinny dresses, thereby revealing their sensitive parts to the public. What's the essence?

  Whenever I see girls that wear such dresses, I don't normally blame them because the fault is from the parents.

  Believe me, the foundation you lay for your children is what will lead them through their lifetime. Unless they encounter the spirit of God who is the only person that can retract their footsteps from the wrong path.

  Teach your child decency when they are still younger so that they will stick to it even at their adulthood. 

  A person that dresses indecently is a nuisance in the society and the way they dress will speak volumes of who they are.

  I have seen on several occasions, where innocent boys are mistaken for thieves by their mode of dressing.

 So in a nutshell, clothe your children decently so that when they grow it will become part of them.

                  CONCLUSION 

When children are born, their brain is empty and as such anything that they are being taught and/or exposed to, gets registered in their brain. Children are innocent and naive as such, they tend to believe everything they are being told to be true. At their naive and innocent stage, they believe everything either good or bad. That's why it's important to cultivate moral standards in their lives at that point.

You can agree with me that a child that is well disciplined becomes a resourceful and respected individual in the society, while the undisciplined ones are a nuisance.