Hilarious Jokes That'll Get You Laughing Non stop

Hilarious Jokes That'll Get You Laughing Non stop

Classic One-Liners

1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
2. I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
3. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
4. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
5. Parallel lines have so much in common… it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
6. My math teacher called me average. How mean!
7. I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kats.
8. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity—it’s impossible to put down.
9. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
10. The man who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

Dad Jokes

1. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
2. Want to hear a construction joke? Oh… never mind, I’m still working on it.
3. I used to hate facial hair… but then it grew on me.
4. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
5. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
6. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
7. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
8. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity… oh wait, I said that. Still funny though!
9. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint!
10. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.

Work/Office Jokes

1. I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
2. Why did the scarecrow become a successful manager? Because he was outstanding in his field.
3. My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home.
4. I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
5. Mondays are fine. It’s your life that sucks.
6. I told my coworkers I got a new job as a human cannonball. They said, “Sounds like you’re going out with a bang!”
7. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
8. The coffee machine is the real office MVP.
9. Why do cows never make good employees? Because they always moo around.
10. My resume is just a list of things I hope nobody asks me to prove.

Silly/Funny Situational Jokes

1. I went to buy camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.
2. I accidentally swallowed food coloring. The doctor says I’m OK but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
4. I gave all my dead batteries away—free of charge.
5. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She gave me a hug.
6. My dog used to chase people on a bike. It got so bad, I had to take the bike away.
7. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger… then it hit me.
8. Never trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
9. Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box.
10. I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.

Puns & Wordplay

1. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went… then it dawned on me.
2. I’m reading a book on the history of glue – can’t put it down.
3. I got hit in the head with a can of soda. Luckily, it was a soft drink.
4. Velcro—what a rip-off!
5. The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.
6. I named my dog “Five Miles” so I can say I walk Five Miles every day.
7. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.
8. I bought shoes from a drug dealer… I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
9. I told my wife she was overreacting… she told me to get out of the house.
10. My wife asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.