Title: The Herbalist’s Fake Vision
Written by precious precious
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In the village of Umugboro, there was a well-respected herbalist called Chief Nduka, aka Baba See-Finish. He was famous for his powerful charms and “visions,” even though most of them were as fake as Lagos Instagram slay queens.
One day, a rich but superstitious man, Chief Okafor, came to see Baba See-Finish with a problem.
“Baba,” he said, adjusting his flowing agbada, “I have been having bad dreams. I see goats chasing me in my sleep! What does it mean?”
Baba See-Finish closed his eyes dramatically, rubbed his fake magic beads, and hummed like a malfunctioning generator.
“Hmm… I see something!” he finally said.
Chief Okafor leaned in, sweating. “What do you see, Baba?”
Baba See-Finish opened his eyes wide. “The spirits say that the goat chasing you is your enemy from the village! This enemy wants to turn you into pepper soup!”
Chief Okafor gasped. “Which of my enemies, Baba?!”
Baba See-Finish paused. He had no idea, so he did what every fake herbalist does—he made up a random name.
“The spirits say… the enemy’s name starts with ‘M’!”
Chief Okafor nearly fainted. “Ah! My wife’s name is Mabel! My brother’s name is Moses! My pastor’s name is Matthew! Baba, who exactly is it?!”
Baba See-Finish rubbed his fake magic beads again and said, “Hmmm… bring me one million naira, and I will reveal the full name!”
Chief Okafor didn’t even think twice. He ran home, grabbed the money, and handed it over.
Baba See-Finish smiled and said, “The enemy’s name is… Mazi Okonkwo!”
Chief Okafor shouted, “Ewoooo! I knew it! That man has always hated me!”
Feeling confident, Baba See-Finish gave him a special charm: a bottle filled with dirty water and one expired lizard. “Pour this in front of your enemy’s house, and he will confess!”
The next morning, Chief Okafor followed the instructions. But just as he was pouring the charm, Mazi Okonkwo appeared behind him, holding a big cane.
“Oho! Chief Okafor, so you are the one pouring dirty water in front of my house?!”
Chief Okafor’s heart nearly jumped out of his chest. “Ah! N-no, Mazi, it’s not what it looks like!”
But before he could explain, Mazi Okonkwo landed the first stroke of the cane on his back!
“TAKE THIS, ENEMY OF PROGRESS!” PAH!
“TAKE THIS, CHARM MASTER!” PAH!
“TAKE THIS, UNGRATEFUL NEIGHBOR!” PAH!
Chief Okafor screamed and ran for his life, leaving his shoe behind.
Meanwhile, at Baba See-Finish’s shrine, the spirits must have been laughing hysterically.
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Moral of the story:
Not every “vision” is real—some are just expensive lies!
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Written by precious precious
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