Mommy Mo, I didn’t know this is what marriage entails!
A lady sent me a message some months back, sharing her expectations versus the reality she encountered.
She said:
"Before marriage, I thought we’d be in a romantic bubble forever. But between work, responsibilities, and stress, some nights we were too tired for deep conversations, let alone intimacy.
Then one night, instead of expecting fireworks, we just cuddled, laughed, and talked about our day. That’s when I realized—love isn’t always about grand gestures. Sometimes, it’s just choosing to be there, even in silence.
No one told me how much chores could cause wahala! 😆 I assumed he’d help without being asked. He assumed I didn’t mind handling the housework on my own.
One evening, exhausted, I said, ‘You never help out with the laundry.’
He replied, ‘I didn’t know you wanted me to.’
That’s when it hit me—he wasn’t ignoring my needs; he just wasn’t a mind reader."
After sharing her story, I smiled and told her that marriage isn’t about expecting help—it’s about asking for it.
Marriage isn’t just about love; it’s about learning, adjusting, and growing together. Some days feel like heaven, while others feel like war.
I also shared some of the things I’ve learned in marriage with her:
1. Adapting to Each Other’s Habits
Little things—like how your partner folds laundry, their eating habits, or even their sleep schedule—can suddenly become big annoyances.
2. Money Matters and Financial Expectations
Discussing salaries, savings, and spending habits can be tough, especially if both partners have different financial mindsets.
3. Balancing Personal Space and Togetherness
Spending so much time together can be wonderful, but also challenging. Some couples struggle with maintaining their independence while nurturing their marriage.
4. Conflicts Over Chores and Responsibilities
Who washes the dishes? Who handles the bills? Splitting household duties fairly can cause unexpected tension.
5. Managing In-Laws and Family Expectations
Balancing relationships with in-laws can be tricky, especially if they have strong opinions on how the marriage should be run.
6. Sexual Expectations vs. Reality
Sexual intimacy may not always align with expectations. Differences in desire, timing, and preferences can create pressure or frustration.
7. Navigating Disagreements Without Hurting the Relationship
Disagreements are inevitable, but learning how to argue constructively without causing deep wounds is a challenge many newlyweds face.
8. Unrealistic Expectations of Marriage
Many enter marriage thinking love alone is enough, only to realize that commitment, effort, and communication are just as important.
9. Handling External Pressure
Friends, social media, and society often create unrealistic comparisons, making couples feel like they aren’t "doing marriage right."
To all newlyweds struggling silently—you’re not alone. The struggles are real, but so is the love. And if you nurture it, it only gets better.
The key is communication, patience, and teamwork. Every couple faces challenges, but those who work through them grow stronger together.
Rooting for you all! ❤️
©️ Modupe Ehirim
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