Crush has a funny way of blinding people to indicators that something might be wrong with their potential love interest. We all have flaws and things we need to work on and grow on, but there are a few red flags you need to watch out for, because they are unlikely to change without a lot of self-awareness and commitment, especially if you want to have a stable, healthy, and loving relationship. durable.
1. There is a lack of conflict resolution between you
See, even the strongest couples argue, that comes with partnering territory. The important thing for the sustainability of relationships is to be able to argue well. On the other hand, if you never argue and dust your problems under the table, that's not good either. The key is to deal with problems in a clean and fair way, and to make sure they don't come up again.
“If your partner has a disposition that demands that they must win or that they must be right, they will have a hard time reaching conflict resolution,” says relationship expert Susan Winter. "A red flag like this will haunt you throughout your relationship."
2. Your partner has an excessive or insufficient connection with his family
Everyone obviously comes from a different reference point when it comes to family, but you have to be on the lookout if their level of family attachment is out of sync with yours (and yes, a little creepy).
"It's not cool to be dating someone who is attached at the hip to their parents and siblings," says relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein. “It can be difficult for them to establish a strong connection with you. However, it is also not good to date someone who is estranged from their family of origin. A healthy balance is a good thing.”
3- Try to get away from your family
Big red flag, huge. "They may be fine at first, but then they flip a switch and make you feel guilty about spending time with your family, or come up with reasons they don't like," says relationship expert Susan Trombetti. “They claim that you are not loyal to them if you spend time with family or friends.” Similarly, be careful if your friends and family don't like your partner. They may be seeing things you aren't, she says.
4. Critical and demeaning language and attitude are a component of your relationship
It seems obvious, but it just has to be said: you deserve someone who doesn't put you down and make you feel inferior. “If your partner speaks to you in a critical tone or puts you down, that's a red flag that can't be ignored,” says Winter. "This streak of ruthlessness and self-absorption will create a toxic environment for you and result in an unhealthy partnership."
5. They are talking to other people on social media or they will not remove your dating profile
Sure, there's the occasional case where they forgot to deactivate because they're too busy having a crush on you. But this is, at least, at least worth a conversation, because it's a super sketch.
"You may need to get rid of this person quickly because you can't trust them," adds Trombetti. “Trust is a very important thing in a relationship.
6. Your partner has trouble getting along with co-workers and/or bosses.
"If it's a pattern that your partner has trouble getting along with people at work, you're likely to end up with an unreliable career, which isn't great when it comes to building a life together," says Hartstein.
7. Exaggerated jealousy and insecurity
Extreme possessiveness can foster a toxic and sometimes even dangerous dynamic. As a result: "He will have no choice but to get out of this relationship because it's not healthy," says Trombetti. "This person has issues and needs to work through them before entering a relationship."
8. Your partner has an incapable or reluctant attitude
Look at the language here, because it's really important. How many things do you say you “can't” do when it's actually coded as “I don't want to”? "If they're not willing to work with you, they're not willing to listen to you, and they're not willing to work on the relationship, you're going to be in a cycle of unhappiness," Winter adds in a report to Well and Good. "Alternatively, if they can't work together with you, you get the same result."
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