A seemingly simple act of physical closeness before sleep—cuddling—may be increasingly absent from midlife relationships, with potential consequences for intimacy and well-being, according to recent research.
According to inews report, a study conducted by Auburn University in the United States investigated the sleeping habits of 143 mixed-gender couples. Its findings suggest a significant link between physical closeness at sleep onset and relational and physiological well-being. Couples who reported falling asleep touching had less disturbed sleep and showed reduced attachment insecurity compared to those who did not.
However, maintaining this form of bedtime intimacy appears to be a challenge for many long-term couples, particularly those raising families or navigating the complexities of middle age. While physical affection might occur during the day, bedtime often becomes less about connection and more about individual sleep strategies.
Factors contributing to this decline are varied and relatable across many cultures. Exhaustion, especially prevalent during the years of caring for young children, often makes sleep the absolute highest priority. Different work schedules can lead to staggered bedtimes. Furthermore, individuals may develop specific and sometimes elaborate sleep routines—ranging from temperature preferences and room conditions to using sleep aids, meditations, or listening to content—which can make shared sleeping positions or cuddling uncomfortable or impractical.
Technology also plays a role, with partners often staying up late to watch television or engage with other content while the other goes to bed earlier, further reducing the window for shared physical connection. Domestic stresses and even minor arguments can create emotional distance that translates into physical separation at night. For some, avoiding physical closeness at bedtime may also stem from a desire to avoid sending unintended signals about sexual availability.
Experts underscore the importance of physical intimacy, even non-sexual forms, for overall health and relationship strength. Dr. Jennifer Cox, a psychiatrist and author, notes that cuddling prompts the release of oxytocin, often dubbed the "love hormone." This hormone has been linked to reducing anxiety and stress, lowering blood pressure, and boosting the immune system, all of which contribute to maintaining healthy relationships.
For couples who find themselves in a "cuddling rut," Dr. Cox advises open communication. She suggests couples talk about whether they notice and miss the lack of physical closeness at bedtime. Furthermore, finding opportunities for non-sexual physical connection throughout the day—such as leaning against each other on the sofa, making deliberate eye contact, or simply holding hands—can help bridge the gap. Introducing humor, like jokingly requesting a cuddle at an unexpected moment, can also make initiating contact feel less pressured.
While individual sleep needs remain critical, the research and expert commentary highlight that small gestures of physical intimacy before sleep can serve as a powerful tool for maintaining connection and reinforcing the bond between partners, reminding couples that prioritizing moments of closeness, however brief, can have a significant positive impact on their long-term relationship health.
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